well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
