I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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