Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
