Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
