I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
