I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
