why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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