i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
