He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
