Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
