10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
