Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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