I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
handjob tips. give me some.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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