Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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