he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
