who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
