2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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