Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize