He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
