I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
