1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
