That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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