Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
