Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
