doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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