Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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