i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
