I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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