Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
