Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
