I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
