I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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