What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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