First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
