I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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