i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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