I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
