Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
