Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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