Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
