a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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