girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
