used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
