you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
