You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
this hospital has no fireball
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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