So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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