dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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