you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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