my phone needs a breathalizer
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She even gives head with a lisp.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
