We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
