Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize