this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
