This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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