she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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