did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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