does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Are we still banned from the library?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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