I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
