If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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