He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
