I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
