When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
