After last night, I could never be a politician.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
