i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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