glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
