lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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