Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
