i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
