so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
