I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
