he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize