And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
