are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
