My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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