i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
