i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
