have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
