I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
