i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
