We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
