the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize